Devil Wearing an Angels Coat

A devil wearing an angels coat,
for years you've had your way.
you've make other people think
that your tricks are okay.
Others may not see it,
your ways they do not know,
the evil seed inside you that has begun to grow.
All the good throughout the years
that have simply turned you bad
as others hold on to the person
in their lives that they once had.
I hope oneday you'll shed the coat
and show the world the real true you.
So your loved ones will one day realize
what "love" and "kindess" can really do.

The True Meaning of Christmas

Ah! Christmas the most wonderful time of the year! Who wouldn't love Christmas? If you hate Christmas you must be communist! There is nothing better then embracing the spirit of Christmas. Nothing better then listening to Christmas carols while taking down your Halloween decortations. By the time December actually hits the songs have been so over played we are practically brain washed. Oh and everyone loves family time! All the teenagers are texting each other during the family party "yeah, i came because I have been horrible all year and need to comvince my parents at the last minute that I deserve the new iphone four." "oh really man?! I came for the food!!' I'd have to admit... My favorite time of the year is using the Santa excuse! "Son if you don't rub my feet, shovel the drive way, and give away your dog SANTA IS NOT COMING!" *secretly giggles to himsef... little does he know I am Santa* Oh yes and there is nothing better then being woke up at seven in the morning on the only day that I can sleep in to run upstairs only to find oranges and nuts in my stalking. Like really Santa, I bake you cookies and the best you can come up with is nuts?!
Although I never really feel the true meaning of Christmas until school starts back up and all the rich kids are wearing their really expensive clothes and showing off their new beats head phones. Yup. Christmas rocks... All the poor kids feel a little less loved and all the rich kids have more to brag about. 
Seriously, that whole giving and family stuff is so old fashioned. Please continue with the Christmas songs, "family time", and stalkings full of oranges and nuts!

Modern day Shakespeare

To cry, or not to cry-- that is the question:
whether 'tis nobler to hold it in
and prove myself strong
or let it out, this pain held in for so long.
And by letting it out, to cry, to weep--
No more, inside this pain so deep.
The heartache, and the mournful cries.
That flesh inside, it suffers and dies.
Devoutly to be wished. To cry, to weep--
to weep--per chanced to die,
aye, there's the comparison,
for in that weep, that my heart is in,
When we have shuffled off this mortal pain,
the pain is still, yet very insane
that makes holding it in so hard for me
for the weights of time, how painful they can be.
The witnesses thoughts, so vial it seems.
The hurt I feel is in his dreams.
The beatings from inside, and the gain,
I myself can't obtain.
For when I find myself in this state
with a sorrow? who would make.
To sigh and hurt under a weary strife,
I get nothing but pain from this life.
But the dread of hurt for tomorrow's day,
the undiscovered hurt, coming my way.
No return my strength, after my cry.
The strength that will forever die.
Than to hold it in, the pain I know of?
Thus, does make a coward of my love.
And thus the raw and suffering
is forcing a cry within my being.
And living in the moment still
with this pain, is it my will?
With this though, I turn away,
and hold in the pain for today-- cry you how,
Oh the pain!-- in thy heart will remain the same. 

the ugly person

I see that mask, the one you wear,
don't bother asking me why I stare.
The one your wrapped around your head
because you lost your humanity, you've gone dead.
Go ahead and play it fake
putting on that thing was your biggest mistake.
you are now lost behind that ugly mask
and pretending to be you will be your biggest task
You put it on with your head held high,
as I watched a part of you die.
That mask I have to look at you don't see
the ugly person you have come to be

The Monster in Me

It's taking control. It's inside of me.
Don't make it mad or set it free.
Allow it to rest and don't let it wake
for that will be your biggest mistake.

Don't try to save me for it is within
its deep beneath my bruised up skin.
It holds me hostage from deep inside,
it brings out the me that I try to hide.

When it comes out, a truth shines through
a side of me that you thought you knew.
Just leave it alone, and let it be.
Don't agitate the monster in me.

I've Tried

Robbed from the experiences that I'll never get.
Sitting here wishing, and full of regret.
They've given up on me, they don't know what to do.
They've lost the girl that they once knew.
He wasn't just my dad, he was my best friend.
How was I supposed to know that his life would end?
Staying strong for others, while I am dying inside.
Driven to depression, and suicide.
Pretending isn't helpful, it's just getting by
strength is being able to cry.
Not allowing myself to get rid of this pain,
for without it the memories wont be the same.
Barley scratching the surface of this tragedy
for not getting over it, they are mad at me.
I too want this pain to subside,
trust me its very hard, I know because I've tried.

Consistency

All the chaos that surrounds me,
my one consistency is you.
My thoughts are bound by your smile,
and they can't evade what you put me through.

I cling to the hope that when you are near,
you feel the same impression that I do.
The impression for my need,
and knowing that what I want is you.

When you leave my side,
in my thoughts you manage to falter.
You give me a break from the insanity,
My hectic life you seem to alter. 

Long

I am lost in a memory that wont seem to heal
and stuck in a moment that seems so unreal.
Sad enough that I hurt inside,
with not enough strength to help it subside.
Floating through life as if I was dead,
and holding onto myself by a thread.
I am slipping apart through my own seems
and forgetting what this life even means.
Stuck on pause while the world moves on,
wondering why healing is taking me this long.

BLEH....

He holds my strength, he gets me through
You hold my happiness, a smile that is true.
He has been here forever, what a long time to stay.
You are brand new, something to freshen up my day.
He is what I need, what is best for me.
You're what I want, what I hope will come to be.
He's shown me loyalty, by my side he staid true
You've shown me a hard worker, a man inside you.

Skin

You see my skin
I know you do.
It is my own way
of showing you.
Yeah it hurts,
why can't you see?
This physical pain
it sets me free.
These scars they show
the pain inside.
The pain I feel
I don't want to hide.
Help me through
and protect my skin
Save me from the
pain I'm in.

Underground Addiction

I can't get out.
I don't know what to do.
I breath you in,
and fall all over you.
I'm so lost,
but so found
my love for you
is under ground

What do I have to do
when you have all of me
to get rid of you.
youre all I've come to be.
Take me in
No, go away
you should leave
but I want you to stay

You hold me tight
and embrace my skin
it was so easy
to let you in.
I'm addicted
I know, It's true.
I just can't stop
all I have is you.

You fill a need
inside of me
something that
could never be.
it's so hard
When I want to let go
Of everything that
I've come to know.

Depression

I need your help, yet I push you away.
I don't know what to do, I am not okay.
I need relief from the pain that I am in,
but without it I'll be lost again.

I know you don't understand, but I need you to try.
I need some help just getting by.
I don't want it to be this way,
and all I know is that I am not okay.

I'm scared to be released from all this pain
it's been there too long it's driving me insane.
I don't know why I treat me this way,
The pain is here, its ready to stay.

A New Red Line

I feel the pain as the knife cuts in
as it sinks deep into my skin.
I love this feeling, I don't know how,
but it's giving me relief here and now.
These scars show the world this new me,
they reveal who I have come to be.
I know you don't agree and that's okay.
I don't expect your support when I act this way.
I just want the world to see the pain inside.
I want them to see the hurt, I don't want to hide.
I love these marks cant you see,
this is what my pain has done to me.
All my emotions put into physical pain,
the relief that washes over me drives me insane.
I don't need your help I am just fine
as I create a new red line.

The World Moves On

Three young girls were lost that day and never will be found.
Not a single grave was placed into the ground.
No where to go when the world becomes too hard.
They get no free space or even a wild card.

Since no space was taken to bury the forgotten - the dead.
There was no set spot to rest the swollen, crushed, bruised head.
There was no memorial stone for him to be remembered by.
There is no place for them to go when all they want to do is cry.

No closure that this experience really is true,
no set reason for them to act the way they do.
There is no ending to the tragedy that life had brought
Especially when the world has already forgot.

With no place for their father to lay,
They didn't know that it will be okay.
With all that suffereing that was goin on,
The rest of this uncaring world moves on.

All Good Things Come To An End

It started out ripped, tattered, and torn.
An old quilt with all the years that had worn.
It no longer had a purpose, nor did it want to.
It hurt from everything that it had been through.
No longer did it wait for that one special day,
when that one caring person would take it away.
Torn, ripped, and faded wanting to be alone,
until the day it began to be sown.
Sitting with stains this quilt was still sore,
not wanting to be fixed or used anymore.
For months this patch worker spent all his time,
on a quilt that wasn't worth a dime.
It took a lot of sowing to fix the torn,
and still this quilt wished that it was never born.
It was washed, patched, and used once more,
But this time with more love then ever before,
No longer was it used in horrible ways,
now on a warm bed it sits and lays.
It's new and ready to be used again,
in the best shape then it has every been.
But even today in all of its glory,
this quilt knows the end of such a story.
Soon a new blanket will take its place,
and this quilt will be just a waste of space.
It will be forgotten like it was before,
and taken for granted once more.
This quilt knows this similar trend,
that all good things will come to an end.

The Cookie Baker

In a cookie factory upon a lavish hill,
there was a cookie baker with an undying will.
Every cookie from this factory will be made to perfection,
and each cookie will win over its customers affection.
So the cookie factory began to run insane tests,
and only the ones that passed will be announced the very best.
All the cookies that crumbled or didn't look the same
were placed in the trash can because they didn't meed the bakers aim.
In all the perfection no one ever did see
the beauty that those broken cookies slowly came to be.
All the frosting mixtures, and the colors galore.
Oh what tastes those cookies had in store!
But since no one ever looked away from the cookie cutter ways,
the world ate the same "perfect" cookies for the rest of their days.

Forever

Lost, in a memory that I can't seem to heal.
Pain inside me that seems so unreal.
Hurt by all of the things that I have been through.
Hope, the feeling I felt when I met you.

Thoughts of you that rid my head.
Dreams of you that I had lead.
Embarrassed was how I felt when you could see
Relief was how I felt when accepted me.

Anxious is how I get when you're not by my side.
Relaxed is what you do to me when our paths collide.
Love is the feeling inside of me.
Forever is what I hope we will be.

Hope

Take my hand and guide me through.
Pull me close, next to you.
Show me hope, and help me see
That you are here, next to me.
Be my friend, and show me how.
Please Give me guidance, here and now.
I need your help, be there for me.
Give me a reason, and help me see.
Find my strength, and hold me tight
Please Get me through, this long hard night.

The Key Hole

I look through the key hole, I see it there.
Who I want to be, I sit and stare.
In awe of all the things that I could be,
Yet here I sit, stuck being me.
I've searched for the key within myself,
but I can't unlock this true wealth.
So here I sit staring through a lock with no key,
looking at the girl that I long to be.

The Gift

    There, in a dimly lit room lined with black chairs, sat three girls staring at the closed casket laying before them. They were in the front of this empty room trying to understand what was crashing around them. Not a word was spoken for the silence was speaking loud enough. The only noise in the room was the sound of the lights that were humming softly. Tears were streaming down their faces as they stared at the faded brown carpet. They were to the point where they didn’t have enough energy to cry. All of the muscles inside their faces were sore, and their eyes were swollen and red. Tired and sick of grieving, their minds were searching for answers that they would later learn didn't exist.
      I was the youngest at the time, having just turned thirteen. I was confused in the beginning, as I didn't understand what was happening around me. Instead, I was more in tune to the objects around me rather than what I was feeling inside. It was as if this was my defense mechanism for coping with all the pain and hurt. I looked to my left to see my two sisters sitting as if they were stone statues. They looked as if they wre portraying a moment in time when the world was cursed with depression. I watched for signs of life, but there were none.Their faces seemed pale and grey. They sat there with crumpled up tissues in their hands as they stared at the floor. I turned my attention to the casket sitting before me. It seemed too small to hold the remains of the super hero we once knew inside it. I sat, worried wondering if he was comfortable or not. I worried about his feet. The feet which had been crushed beneath a tractor bucket. He complained about how much they hurt. I wanted to walk up and open the casket. I wanted to be sure his feet had enough room. I had to remind myself that he was now dead. It no longer mattered whether or not his feet were comfortable.
     I tried to shake the thought of my dad's crushed feet out of my mind, but it was so hard. I thought of how sad it was that like his feet, my dad was also crushed by a tractor bucket. It was as if the world was trying to foreshadow my dad's death. Suddenly all those days working on tractors with him seemed evil. I no longer wanted the toy tractor my father bought me when I was eight, but then I realized that it was all I would have left of my dad. I wouldn't even have a grave to go cry at. I suddenly found myself wondering where his body would go if it didn't go into the ground.
     “Katie, what is going to happen to dad’s body after the funeral?” I said almost reverently. My voice began to crack. It made me feel small and broken. It was as if the world had taken everything from me, and then I realized that it had. My super hero was gone. I watched as the girl who used to beat up people on the school play ground for me, and was always my strong foundation to lean on began to slowly fall apart. My beautiful brunette sister’s shiny curls were the only thing hiding me from seeing her face. For a second, I was glad that her hair was covering her face because then, I wouldn't have to look her in the eye while she was sobbing. She had herself under control until I asked her that question.
     “He’s being cremated,” she managed to say through her weeping. I suddenly found myself confused. Although I heard this word before it still seemed to roll off Katie's lips in an unpleasant way. I remember people talking about what was going to happen to his body, but I never did ask anyone what being cremated meant. It was as if my body knew that I didn't want to know the answer to the question, but now it bothered me. Without even thinking, I looked up at my two older sisters and said,
      “What does that mean?” I watched as my oldest sister Ashley choked back her tears. Ashley is the sister who was always in control; like her life was going just how she planned it to. She was always so good at convincing me to make her food and do her chores as if it was fun. She always knew what to do in an emergency, she was always calm and collected, but not in this moment. She looked lost and confused. It seemed like all her energy and hope was drained from her, and all that was left was an empty shell.
      “It means they are going to burn his body into ashes, and put those ashes inside a small box." Then I thought about my super hero being stuffed into a smaller box than what he was resting in now. I remember trying to make sense of it all, his body just disappearing. I couldn’t wrap my young mind around the idea that my dad would no longer be there. I would no longer be able to hand him tools while he was working on his truck. Suddenly, I felt just as lost as my two older sisters seemed to look. I realized that I was no longer the same girl that I was a couple seconds ago, I was now fatherless. This truth hit me harder then a brick. I no longer had a dad to teach me how to drive, threaten all the boys that I bring home, or even walk me down the aisle on my special day. I felt tears welling up inside my eyes as I finally came to terms with the truth that hurt me the most: I will no longer be daddy's little girl.
      I tried to preoccupy myself. I wanted to do anything but cry more than I already had. I looked up to see Ashley's eyes glistening. Even though her world was slipping through her fingers, in her own special way, she still looked calm and collected. I looked over at Katie who still had her hair in her face crying. Katie was still stronger than I was, she was strong enough to cry. She was releasing her pain into the world, the pain I was hiding from. I didn't want to cry, I just wanted to stay numb forever because being numb meant I didn't have to feel anything. I wanted to say something to comfort them, but the words wouldn’t come out. I knew first hand that nothing I could say to make them feel better; I was just the little sister. I watched as Ashley grabbed the blue box of tissues that was resting on the chair next to her. She held them out for Katie who was trying to calm herself down. As Katie reached for another tissue, all the ones already sitting on her lap fell to the ground almost as if they were in slow motion.
      I looked at all the tissues on the ground and noticed that we all had our own tissue pile, our own set of memories. Memories of our hero that had leaked out of our eyes into tissues; special memories that no one else but our own selves would understand. I almost wished the tissues would display what each of us were feeling so that someone else would understand, but they did not. There was no way that thin pieces of paper with tears inside them could ever express the shock that the three of us were feeling. My chest began to feel heavy, my ribs now had a hard time expanding; no longer allowing me to breathe.
      I watched as Ashley smoothed out her already perfect red and wavy hair. She then reached over to grab Katie’s hand. They both held each other's hands so tight that their knuckles were turning white. Although seeing my two role models in pain gave me a deep sense of sorrow, it also gave me comfort. They were holding hands and keeping each other sane through this hard time. I suddenly felt tired and rested my head onto Katie’s shoulder and took a deep breath taking in the smell of the sweet scented perfume.
      There we sat in complete silence for half an hour as bodies began to fill the black chairs around us. Soft music played as people walked up to the closed casket and placed flowers all around it. Nobody asked why the casket was closed, they knew why it was closed. They were lucky they didn’t get to see the man they once knew in the condition that he was in now. The memory they had of my dad was wholesome and alive. He glowed with spirit and towered over everyone, but my sisters and I didn’t get that luxury. We had seen our father’s crushed and swollen face. We had to look at his pale skin and a sad attempt to cover up the blue bruises. All the good images we had of our father had now been replaced with the image that the tractor bucket had left him with. I hated the image that was now in the back of my mind of my father's face shattered as it rested against the white satin cushions inside the casket.
      His funeral started and my sisters began to cry harder than they had before. I just sat there in complete shock taking in what was going on around me. I watched as strangers walked up to the podium to speak about my father as if they knew him their entire life. I had never even met these people, why were they speaking at my dad’s funeral? I found a sense of jealousy growing within the pit of my stomach, for I wanted so badly to be the one up in front of everyone sharing my feelings about the man that raised me.
     "Robert wasn't just a welder. He was an artist. He could take a scrap of metal and turn it into something amazing." Suddenly I felt the speakers eyes on me, and I looked up at him trying not to look as fragile as I felt. I sensed that he was forlorn, I could see it in his shiny green eyes as he stared at me from the podium. His sorrow, I noticed, wasn't for himself, it was for me. His voice began to shake as he spoke directly to me,
     "Did you receive the metal book ends that he made you for your birthday?" My mind flashed back to the day before at my step mother's house as she placed the heavy shoe box onto my lap. She explained to me that my dad spent all of this spare time working on them so that he could get them done early. Apparently he wanted me to receive them by mail on time. I opened the box to see two beautiful black horses carved out of metal. They were standing on their back legs and their hair looked as if it was floating in the wind. Each curve in the metal was carefully cut to form two breathtaking pieces of art. The speaker was right, my father was an artist. I learned something about my dad at his funeral from a complete stranger that I failed to realize throughout the course of my entire life. I slowly became aware of the present and the question that was asked of me. I looked back up at the speaker and nodded. I watched as he took a deep breath and leaned away from the microphone towards me.
     "Happy Birthday." He said to me. His attempts to keep the speakers from picking up on what he said to me had failed. Now everyone in the room knew that today was not only my dad's funeral day, but also my birthday. Yes, I thought to myself, Happy Birthday to me. I tried to stay strong not for myself, but for the speaker. It took all his courage to tell me Happy Birthday and I didn't want him to feel like his courage was a waste, but I couldn't stay strong. I burst into tears and covered my face with my hands. He had good intentions, he really did, but what he said didn't help the situation at all. I felt my sister Katie put her hand on my back in an attempt to comfort me.
     The rest of the talk that man had written was a blur to me. I finally stopped crying, but I had now cried so much that I was unable to cry. It was as if I had run out of tears and all that I was left with was an empty feeling inside. It was time for my sisters and I to get up and sing in front of everyone. As I stood up in front of the room and waited for the music to start I took in all the sympathetic faces of family members I hadn’t seen in years, people who worked with him,people who became his friends, and complete strangers. I noticed that all the chairs were full and that people were even standing up in the back and out the door trying to listen to the funeral service. I didn't realize how much my father meant not only to my sisters and I, but also to the people staring back at us. As the music began to start, I watched as the song we practiced many times and knew by heart turned into a miserable mess.
      Katie had the first verse. She sang the first three words beautifully and then began to cry. She was sobbing into the microphone and didn’t bother to wipe away the tears that were rolling down her face. Her sobs echoed throughout the room. I was frozen in place as Ashley walked over to put her arm around Katie. Instinctively, I picked up the verse that Katie was supposed to sing. I looked at the ground and pretended like we were at home practicing in the living room.
      By the time it was Ashley’s turn to sing her verse, she was no longer crying in front of everyone with Katie. She somehow managed to pull herself together and sing with her soft voice the last verse. All three of us sang the chorus together and even though we were completely falling apart, I felt like we were also very strong. As we waited for the music to fade, I obtained the nerve to look up at the audience. It was as if they were a group of entirely different people than when I had last looked up at them. Before, they looked anxious like they had somewhere they needed to be and needed this service to end as soon as possible, but now every face that I looked at was red and had tears falling from it.
     I had been to many funerals before, and all of them I didn't personally know the person who died. I just reverently stood in the back of the crowd and smiled at who ever came up to talk to me and tell me how much I had grown. I remember how I used to think that the funeral services seemed like they dragged on forever, but that wasn't the case with my dad. It seemed like his service was over before it even started. I realized that even after a couple hours of time that had been donated to talking about my dad still wasn't enough. I still felt empty, and I still wanted to listen to more stories about him.
     I found myself hoping that after the funeral was over everything would suddenly cheer up and I would feel instantly better, but that wasn't the case at all. I had never lost someone so close to me. I was just beginning to scratch the surface of the entire grieving process. My sisters and I sat in our chairs trying to find the energy from somewhere to become social again, but this was harder then any of us could have ever imagined. We were greeted with familiar faces, and faces that we did not know. Although they were all very different, they were all the exact same. Every single face looked at us with the same worried stare and tried to give us the same words of comfort.
     “I worked with your dad” one man walked up to us and said, “He was a very good man. He talked about you girls all the time. He talked about you girls constantly. He was very proud to have three beautiful daughters. He wasn’t kidding when he said he had a red head, a brunette, and a blond.” He looked over at us once more; put a hand on my older sister’s shoulder, and then he walked away. His old brown jacket then disappeared into the sea of people behind us. It was hard to take in all this pity. I wasn't used to being the center of attention, I didn't know how to act or what to say. Most of the time I felt like I was trying to comfort the people who were trying to comfort me. After all, they did take the time to walk up to us and show that we were being thought of.
     “Oh girls, you all sang beautifully, but it was so sad. It just broke my heart! It will all get better with time, I promise. I'll be sure to keep you girls in my prayers.” One well-dressed lady with a faint accent said to us. All three of us forced a polite and thankful smile onto our faces. We tried to make it seem like we were grateful for her words before she left through the double doors. I felt like the world was moving on around me and I was frozen in time. I couldn't move, and I couldn't think. The only thing that I felt was a blanket of numbness wrapped around me.
     “I am so sorry for your loss. Is there anything I can do?” asked a man with a familiar face. Yes, I thought to myself. You can bring him back. Although I knew this man was only trying to help, he made it a lot worse. Every time I heard someone tell me that exact phrase, I wanted to claw their eyes out, but I didn’t. I just stood there staring at the ground and behaving just like my mother taught me to.
     The man made casual conversation with my sisters for a couple minutes. He was trying very hard to cheer us up. He even cracked a few jokes. My poor sisters faked a laugh for his sake while I just stood there lost in my thoughts. It wasn't until the man put his hand on my arm that I returned back to the conversation,
     "Happy Birthday..." He said to me with pain that stuck in his eyes. I just stared at him for a few seconds taking in his half smile, and the genuine look of worry that he had strewn across his face. It wasn't until then that I noticed how well this man was dressed. He had a crisp white shirt on, that I could tell he ironed for this occasion with a neatly folded black tie hugging his neck. His hair was combed away from his head revealing his widows peak. I didn't know this man, but I found myself wondering who he was and why he was at my fathers funeral. Suddenly realizing that I had just stared at this man for a good ten seconds, I tried to muster up what I thought was a smile. After seeing how hard I tried to give this man a reaction, he nodded and walked away.
     After it seemed like we had talked to everyone that came to the funeral, we all felt extremely drained. It was hard to force a smile on your face when all you want to do is cry. Eventually everyone filed into the room next to the one we were in for food. Once everyone was gone, Ashley grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me to that room for food as well knowing that all of us hadn't had anything to eat for at least a day. By the time we got in there, all the chairs were taken, and so was all the food. We all sat there completely miserable and drained. We listened to everyone around us laughing as if they didn't just sit through a couple hours of a funeral service. We all grew insanely bitter,
     “It’s our dad’s funeral and they didn’t even save us anything?” said Ashley. She no longer looked like a model. She looked pale and drained. I stood there analyzing my two sisters realizing that they no longer looked like models. They looked broken. The brown eyes seemed to turn grey and their hair no longer looked shiny and healthy. Instead it looked brittle and lifeless. Even though they seemed completely shattered, in my eyes, they were still very beautiful.
     “No kidding.” Katie agreed, breaking my train of thought. I just stood there leaning up against the wall. Suddenly I felt as if I was going to pass out. I then realized how desperately I wanted this day to end. I found it hard to believe that this had happened to me. What did I do to deserve this? I wondered. It was as if all the emotions that I didn’t let out during the service had came crashing in on me. Suddenly, I burst into tears and fell into a ball crying. I couldn’t do this anymore. I wasn't strong enough to face this death alone. I just couldn't do it.
     Then suddenly, I felt arms around me. These arms were holding me tight, caressing my shoulders, and letting me know that I was not in this alone. Both of my older sisters were there for me to take care of me. I knew everything was about to change and even though we were going to walk out of that funeral home completely different people, I still had my sisters to turn to. We were there to hold each other up and be there for each other when it seemed like no one else was. Although the rest of the world seemed to carry on just fine, my sisters and I were not. But the arms wrapped around me proved that we still had each other there to comfort. Suddenly, I found myself with the best birthday present I could ever wish for; my family.

Two Dead End Roads

I'm giving it my all for me,
because I am who I want to be.
I don't need a man to destory my life,
I don't want to become a mom or wife.

I'm giving it my all for you
in all the things I say and do.
I don't know what else I should be,
but all I know is I want you and me.

I'm not longer giving it my all
because it all causes me to fall.
whether its just a boy or for myself
giving it all destorys my health.

Let Me Stay

Like a sun flower in a garden of roses,

on a warm and sunny day.

As if we bring two worlds together,

but it seems it wont be this way.

The roses roots intertwine,

they keep each other strong,

But since I am not part of your world

my roots just dont belong.

I try to be like each of you,

but my petals aren't the same.

I try to enjoy the things you do,

but my different color is the thing to blame.

I never really understood it,

I guess I just don't see.

How being a different flower

can force things away from me.

I am just supposed to accept it

or try to find another way.

What do I need to do

for you all to let me stay.

Bravery is Ending it.

Bravery, doing something everyone else thinks is cowardly.
It's having the strength to end something that many fear to end.
It's finding that inner strength to take away what few have been able to take.
It's realizing when there isn't anything left to fight for.
It's giving up because you know nothing good will come out of it.
Bravery is ending it.

Nine Reasons Why

1. I have no reason why, I just feel this way.
2. I've ran out of things to do, to keep me from my thoughts each day.
3. I've lost sight in my hopes and my dreams.
4. Life really isn't as great as so many people make it seem.
5. I don't feel the need or even the want to try.
6. My well of reasons to stay alive has used up and gone dry.
7. I've tired of all the controlling and having little say.
8. I'm sick of just imagining what I will have one day.
9. I've come to accept that I'm just a wasted space
There you have it nine reasons why I should leave this place.

Collide

I never knew that I could feel this way,
and it's just when I thought I would be okay.
All the things inside my head,
some how go back to the broken, the dead.
I can't help it, I can't get by.
I can't find the answers to all my questions why.
I can't stop my mind from taking control,
my imagination is starting to take its toll.
There is nothing that can stop this feeling inside,
when my imagination and reality begin to collide.

Special Touch

Hold me when I am weak, and love me when I am strong.
Take all the time you need, but just don't take too long.
Embrace me when I am happy and always keep me close,
but even more when I am mad, because that's when I need it most.
Always call me beautiful no matter what I wear,
I need someone to show me just how much they care.
Grab me like you want me, as if everyday you find something new,
because all I will ever want is to always mean the world to you.
I'll need you to take my hand and always hold it tight,
because all I have ever wanted is a man to treat me right.
Sure you may be stronger, but let me feel that way,
because all I have is my independence, please don't take that away.
Show me you love me in not only your actions but in also what you say.
Be the person standing next to me at the end of the day.
I know this may seem like I am asking way too much,
but all I need is a guy with that special touch.

The Way That You Treat You

You should be careful with what you do.
It's the thoughts you say to you.
It's what you find inside yourself,
Use that confidence, your real true wealth.

It's the things you thought you knew.
It's the trying that makes you, you.
It's the way you see yourself,
Your thoughts make your good health.

It's the beauty you want to see,
You're the person you should want to be.
Its the no more comparing,
It's that smile you should be wearing.

So take the time to take care of you,
and form thoughts that are kind and true.
Be careful what you put yourself through
It's all about the way that you treat you

Disappointment

It rains down, but it doesn't come from the sky.
It hurts like hell, as you try to get by.
It falls on your skin and begins to seep in,
there is nothing you can do, its going to win.

You're trapped and you're stuck, you can't get out.
You suddenly wonder what life is about.
You don't know why you even try,
suddenly it all becomes a lie.

It's not just a moment, its a lasting effect.
you feel a sense of hurt and neglect.
You try and try, but all you do is fail.
it's annoying, and it hurts like hell.

Anything Like You

Tell me how you do it, what's your secret trick?
What makes you think that it's okay to act like such a dick?
You waste all your energy with your anger towards me,
I just hope that everyone will see the person youre trying to be.
You're right I dont understand, and I'll be okay if I never do.
I just hope that I will never turn out anything like you.

The Headstone

You come to me crying day after day,
If I could talk I wouldn't know what to say.
You speak to me will sorrow in your eyes,
And I cant understand what you say through your sobs and your cries.
I wish I could help, I honestly do,
But there is no way I can help what you're going through.
Im just a big rock with letters in me,
and a couple of dates for the broken hearted to see.
I know you think talking to me makes it all better,
but in truth there is no way I can deliver your letter.
Please dont do that, please dont cry.
Please understand there is nothing I can do to help you get by.
Im just a big rock, I only mark a place,
Im sorry I cant bring back that one familiar face.

You're Memory

Your memory isn't in the ashes of the strong person that we knew.
It's not resting in a cold dark grave, but in the people that miss you.
It lies in the tears that fill our eyes. It rests in our sobs, our hurt and our cries.
Then when the hurt goes numb and we feel nothing at all,
Your memory lasts in those thoughts and times we recall.
Even though our minds grow weak, and you thought your memory did fade,
It lasts in the impact that your life had made.

Show Me

It's not just something you can learn,
it's something that you feel.
It's a place that you can go,
when you want something real.

It's the sounds that you make
I see the notes in my mind
it's something so new
yet I feel so left behind.

I wish I could be part of your world
and I wish that I could see.
The passion in the music
that you play for me.

I want to feel it too,
but I know I never will.
Show me your world and
show me what you feel.

The Magic Touch

Before you walked into my life,
I got rid of the pain with a knife.
Before you ran your fingers through my hair,
a smile I did not ever wear.

Before my you held my hand for all the world to see,
I wasn't the girl I hoped I would be.
Before you whispered in my ear,
suicide was my only fear.

Before you took me in and held me tight,
nothing in the world ever felt right.
Before the pain had gotten too much
you healed me with your magic touch.

The Underdog, The Loser, & The Broken

I root for the underdog, I know what it's like.
To give it your best, to put up a fight.
I root for the underdog, I know the feeling
in a life like this there's no such thing as healing.

I cheer for the loser everyone needs a fan
there's nothing worse then a crowd who doesn't understand.
I cheer for the loser at the finish line
time doesn't matter, who cares about the finishing time.

I hope for the broken, the bruised and the torn
I how it feels and the fake smiles they they have worn.
I hope for the broken, I hope they understand
there is people out there who care, who want to give a hand

Life... Why me?

Friday, April 1, 2011

When I was innocent easy to sway,
you tore me down; I lost my way.
When I was hurting, ready to break,
you made me as if I was a mistake.
When I was eager and willing ready to try,
you pushed me down and made me cry.
When I was strong and nearly unstoppable,
you found my weakness and made it possible.
When I was bruised broken and sore,
you made the pain a whole lot more.
Now that I'm swollen, hurting and in pain,
there's not much hope left for you to drain.
Now that I've quit trying and stop wanting to soar,
I can't imagine a pain that would hurt more.
Now as I'm sitting forced in the sidelines of life,
my driven qualities are lost; failure stabs me like a knife.
As I see my friends succeeding in everything they do,
I feel a wave of hurt run through me in a form brand new.
While life was busy stepping on me,
It let everyone else run wild, crazy and free...

Wanting Me Back

Sunday May 16, 2010

I told you this would happen, admit it; I was right.
And now you lay there wondering
what you did that night.
Everything you thought we had
those feelings that you felt
are now only memories
your life's cards have dealt.


Don't you wish you would seen
before your actions took control?
Don't you miss the good old days
before your broken heart took control?

Don't you wish it was me
who was torn up inside?
Don't you wish the pain would stop
and the hurt would subside?

But now you regret everything ,
and now you want those feelings you now lack.
But now you lay there wishing ,
and wanting it all back .

A Call From You

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Sitting on the roof of that four story high
thinking about the pain, and life... it's a lie.
I hold my breath and close eyes letting gravity take it's part
It's time to end my life here, time to end this broken heart.

My mind is made I'm stepping off the edge and seconds before I do
I feel my cell phone buzzing in my pocket; It's a call from you.
I stare at my phone for a minute and decided this call would be my last
I held it up to ear... as my the tears they came fast

I told you what I planned to do, and told you the reason why
you begged me to wait for you, on the other line you started to cry.
A couple minutes later you were there... you told me I would seeYou held me back from what I thought would be the end of me

So blind that even death could see

Wednesday March 10, 2010

If you were here I would have felt the same.
The hate would forever go on untamed.
If you were here I'd still hate you.
For all the trying you tried to do.
For trying to patch up the past forgiven you would never be
"For all the things you did to me"
And now the feeling haunts me like an unforgiving ghost
And now I realize what hurts the most
is it took so much hate to realize I loved you
and it took death to let the love shine through

Youre the poem I can't write

Wednesday February 17, 2019

Take me by the hand and look into my eyes.
Heal my pain, and see past my disguise.
Want what is best for me, what is true, and right.
Call me on the phone on your restless night.
Keep your distance but stay near.
Calm my each and every fear.
Listen to my wants, and heal my every pain
make me want you so bad that i start to go insane

Heart Strings

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Heart Strings

The way you acted, and the things you said
engraved your memory in my head.
I found charm in the eyes of a stranger
and put my heart in complete danger.


Things got worse as days went by,
the strings were sown by every "Hi".
A little pinch here, and a little pinch there
for you the pain I would bare.


Pain became pleasure by every thought
You don't even realize the tragedy you brought.
I would hold my breath as you walked by,
Hoping for a glace, a smile, a "Hi".


The strings were pulled tighter please understand,
and now they rest inside your hand.
Something invisible secret you see,
because we don't belong you and me...

I know you don't mean it you didn't know
the strings that appeared and started to grow.
The strings that pulled and tugged in me,
wanting the two of us to be.


They pulled even harder when I saw you with her,
Pretty soon we became a blur.
The strings attached from your hand to my heart,
started to rip and pull apart.


You didn't understand when you started to pull,
those little strings took their toll.The strings attached inside my chest,
you didn't notice there was nothing left.

Don't Want to be a Princess

Thursday, January 7, 2010

I don't want to be a princess who stands weak at the knee
waiting for my prince charming to come and rescue me.
I don't want to depend on one person to always treat me right
because one day we'll far apart and he wont hold me tight.
I don't want to depend on one person for the rest of my life,
never will I want to be a princess, queen, or wife.
I don't want to be another girl in a wedding dress on a special day,
because its just one day, and that feeling will fade away.
I don't want to live my life waiting for the perfect guy
why do girls even set their expectations so high?
I don't want to be another statistic never will I play that part,
because never will I want to be a girl with a broken heart.

Take Control

She's sick of being beaten and she is sick of being torn.
She's through with all this disrespect and all these smiles that she's worn.
She's done with getting stepped on, and she's ready for something new.
She needs something good, something to get her through.

She doesn't want to act this way, and she doesn't want to cry,
but she needs some understanding and some hope to get her by.
don't push her to the edge and don't give her reasons why,
because she's not afraid to do it, she knows it's all a lie.

She wants something better, she needs it in her life.
She is praying for a reason not to pick up the knife.
She wants that happy ending in her own special way,
but she sick of all the bruises that she receives through out the day.

She's sick of this trying and getting nothing in the end.
She's done with all this happiness she knows it's just pretend.
She done with being the strong one, just look her in they eye,
She's sick of barley living and just getting by.

You know she's past her breaking point, she wants anything but to try
give her some room to breath, give her a reason why.
Some one please do something better then wreck this poor girls soul
someone please take the reigns. someone take control.

This Kind of Pain

She hugs him, and she doesn't even know that it's killing me.
She dances with him on the dance floor, and she doesn't even see.
She sits with him in the car while he teaches her to drive,
she complains to me about him when mine isn't even alive.

She jokes with him and laughs and it kills me every day,
then she asks me what is wrong I pretend like I'm okay.
He wraps his arms around her and I lose my self control
all these years without him have really taken their toll.

He threatens every young man that looks his daughters way
no teenage boy will be enough to take his girl away.
She gets mad at him for protecting her with all his might,
while i'm forced to suffer because mine has found the light.

She doesnt even realize how proud of her he is
something I'll forever lack, because mine no longer lives.
I shouldn't have to sit here in this kind of pain
while she let's his love wash slowly down the drain...

Disappointing the dead

I thought he was dead, I thought he was gone.
I have suffered for so long.
The door wouldn't open, but he was there.
Through the window I began to stare.
I fell into a ball and began to cry.
Then I heard him say through a sigh,
"I am disappointed in you" I thought this couldnt' be,
now I spend my life trying to make dad proud of me.

I Belong Here

I see the young girl crying, she has no one there.
She is freezing cold, and her feet are wet and bare.
I see the tired father returning home each and every day,
He works his hardest but he still gets smallest pay.
I see the older brother dying inside with each and every blow,
those bullies do not understand, they will never know.
I see the mother suffering through the hurt, she sad and torn.
I see her try to mend the scars that she once had worn.
I see the uncle in his room he cant help it but get high
as his young two sons struggle to get by.
I see the grandma suffering the loss of her one true love,
losing faith in the heaven that she thought was above.
I see the aunt applying for every job that she sees,
but she needs the that will get her off her praying knees.
But even though this family has suffered so much more
they get together every night knowing there is more in store.
They share the smallest rations of food on the table every night,
and still stick together even when one loses sight.
I always wished for something more, but little did I see.
This down trodden place is where I'm meant to be.

(Free Verse)

Self Righteous

Beauty from music
Life like love
Whisper a thousand
Shine from above
Goddess like a lie
Lust like a dream
Symphony through worship
Gorgeous and mean

(Magnetic Poetry)

More Then A Dad.

He's more then just one person that invades your life.
He worked his life away, and suffered all the strife.
He's like a hero that was forced to slave away.
He's like a healer that helped in every way.
He isn't just someone that you let his memory die.
He isn't just a life that you just pass you by.
He is someone who deserves better then what he had.
He was more then just three little girls dad.

(Simile)

Don't

Don't Damage Dying Dusk.
Don't Destroy Dawning Day.
Don't Discriminate Downtrodden.
Don't Deny Disheartened Delicate Days. 

(Alliteration)

God's Lie

God must have been busy when he herd me pray at night
he must have forgotten to help me find the light

God must not pay attention to the wreck less soul
he probably didn't notice when I lost my self control

God must have forgotten about the girl without a dad
he must not have wondered about the life he had had

God must not have cared when a girl would sit and cry
he must not have realized that smile was a lie

God must not have thought that when he threw my troubles aside
that everything in my life suddenly would collide

God must not see me from heaven in the sky
that everything he promised all became a lie

(Wordle Poem)

He is... (Re-make)

He is rain on a perfect day

He is a cloud that wont go away.

 He is that one small comment that seems to kill.
He is that one memory that can't seem to heal.

He is that anger deep inside of you

He is the pain ready to break through

He is the thoughts that rid your head

 He is the tears you cry in bed.

 He is the way it used to be

Played again and you can't break free

He is the let it go's that just don't go.

 He is the feelings no one will know

 He isthe yelling that just wont fade

He is the thoughts you wish to trade.

He is a leach sucking the fun.

He is runner that just wont run.

He is a stalker that wants you dead.

He is that cruel voice inside your head.

He is the Grinch on Christmas day.

 He is that person that just wont go away.

(Metaphor)

Home life.

Vroom, the car drives off in such a hurtful way.
I hear a crash in the kitchen, just another day.
I hear a rip I look around, but nothing did I see.
Then I suddenly realized it was the heart inside of me.

(onomatopoeia)

Runner in the street

Racing down the empty street.
Under the sky, I move my feet.
Never giving into the ground.
Not becoming the obesity all around.
Inside a healing like never before
Now I see whats in store
Get up onto your feet, a running in the street.

Haiku 2

Why put us in our place
a poem that gives no space
meant to be erased.

Haiku 1

Haiku poems are dumb
they put students in their place
what a stupid thing.

Were so Strong

Were so strong, were so great.
We drink our protein, and lift some weight.
Were super attractive, and were really buff,
but we cry when life gets tough.

Im not sorry

I have hurt you, your deeply hurting
and I know you cry at night.
I know you're probably sad
and want me to find the light.
Although I'm not sorry, I don't feel bad,
But I'll tell it to your face
I'm sorry for what I did,
but your hurt, my apology, will not erase.

Wasted Lives

So much depends upon
teenagers in school today,
Were forced to do many things,
we waste our lives away.

If there was no prince charming

Monday, January 26, 2009

If There Was No Prince Charming...

Glitterfy.com - Glitter Graphics

If there was no prince charming to make your dreams come true...
There would be no one to return your glass slipper back to you...
When the clock struck twelve you would not care...
All the feeling would not be there...


iMySpaceGraphics.com

If there was no prince charming to sweep you off your feet...
No one to wake you from your dreamless sleep...
Your lips as red as a rose...
Would be lost in time, forever froze...


Glitterfy.com - Glitter Graphics

If there was no prince charming to see beyond the speechless face...
Forever voiceless, in a watery place...
Forever forbidden to walk on land...
Following your dads every command...


Glitterfy.com - Glitter Graphics


If there was no prince charming to show you a world outside your own...
On a magic carpet, a new world you would have not been shown...
Stuck with the man that doesn't care...
Who only wants to be the next heir...


Glitterfy.com - Glitter Graphics

If there was no prince charming to save the fairest in the land...
Stuck in a glass case you would be banned...
The piousness apple that you ate...
Would have controlled your very fate...


Glitterfy.com - Glitter Graphics

If there was no prince charming to make a compromise...
You're dad would have died right before your eyes...
Your prince charming would have died when the rose was fully shed...
You would have married a man that cant see past himself instead...

If there was not prince charming to save you from the terrible fate...
These fictional men we come appreciate...
To give us all our hopes and dreams...
To make our lives better than it seems...

I

Monday, May 18, 2009

I Watched A Fallin Angel Fall.

I never really noticed,


but she sat in that desk everyday.


She always looked so depressed,


all broken and worn away.






I never really noticed,


how eventually she started to break.


It wasn't my fault;


her life she decided to take.





I never really noticed,


what kind of boy I come to be.


She was so upset;


I could have set her free.





I never really noticed,


anything at all


Then again, I never really noticed,


as I watched a fallin angel fall.

Life... Why me?

Friday, April 1, 2011

Life... Why me?

When I was innocent easy to sway,
you tore me down; I lost my way.
When I was hurting, ready to break,
you made me as if I was a mistake.
When I was eager and willing ready to try,
you pushed me down and made me cry.
When I was strong and nearly unstoppable,
you found my weakness and made it possible.
When I was bruised broken and sore,
you made the pain a whole lot more.
Now that I'm swollen, hurting and in pain,
there's not much hope left for you to drain.
Now that I've quit trying and stop wanting to soar,
I can't imagine a pain that would hurt more.
Now as I'm sitting forced in the sidelines of life,
my driven qualities are lost; failure stabs me like a knife.
As I see my friends succeeding in everything they do,
I feel a wave of hurt run through me in a form brand new.
While life was busy stepping on me,
It let everyone else run wild, crazy and free...

Pretending to be me

Pretending to be me.

2011

It's just a smile trust me, its not what it means.
Its not controlling what im feeling, its not what it seems.
It's simply just a cover up to hide the pain each day,
to prove to the world that im strong, to show them im okay.
I realize showing them my true self isnt what they want to see
instead they want the fake happy girl that pretends to be me.

Empty Picture Frame

Sunday, October 9, 2011

The Empty Picture Frame written by me

No one seems to notice that empty picture frame,
the one that taunts me every day, its driving me insane.
They glance right over it as if its waiting to be filled,
but the person who filled that picture frame, was instantly killed.
Everyone seems to forget, that or they just don't care
they don't bother to ask about the picture that was there.
Instead they assume it doesnt matter, and walk right by
forgetting the man who left, letting his memory die.
Its more then just a empty frame, its a reminer you see
for when he left this life, he also took a part of me.
Everyday when you ignore the hidden picture within the empty frame
you ignore an enitre life's worth memories that will never be the same.

Wanting me Back

Sunday, May 16, 2010

WaNtInG mE bAcK

I told you this would happen, admit it; I was right.
And now you lay there wondering
what you did that night.
Everything you thought we had
those feelings that you felt
are now only memories
your life's cards have dealt.


Don't you wish you would seen
before your actions took control?
Don't you miss the good old days
before your broken heart took control?

Don't you wish it was me
who was torn up inside?
Don't you wish the pain would stop
and the hurt would subside?

But now you regret everything ,
and now you want those feelings you now lack.
But now you lay there wishing ,
and wanting it all back

leaving you

Leaving you.

2010

Why did I have to go,
and leave you behind?
I knew from the beginning,
you're one of a kind.
I thought leaving you would be easy
but I guess I was wrong.
I'm tired and I'm hurting,
and the distance is too long.
I know you're not gone forever
and I know you're still mine.
But what do I do when I'm lonely,
and hurting all the time?
I hope the time that I am gone,
I'll still be in your heart.
'Cause I don't know what I'd do
if our love fell apart.
Before I go to bed at night
I get on my knees and pray,
That another girl wont come
and take my love away.

3 years without you

3 years without you...

It's been how long since you've been gone?
I didn't think the hurt would last so long.
People see me and think I'm okay,
as I survive through the hurt eachday.
The hurt is still here and I miss you so...
More then anyone would ever know.

There is a piece missing and I can't get it back.
I've been looking, but I'm so off track.
How am I expected to last through life,
when each day all the hurt is cutting like a knife?
I've changed since that phone call that day,
when I learned you wasted away...

I'm trying to hold on; praying for the happiness back.
It's the one thing I most often lack.
Where have all the good things gone?
What am I supposed to do from now on?
You memorial day is coming, what do I do?
I can't stand missing the man I once knew.

 

Nov. 14, 2010

Even Super Heroes Die

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Even superheroes die.

Superman is the greatest hero of all

and even he will fall.

He will loose this fight;

Superman has his kryptonite.

Batman the most luxuriant one

but in a game he has none.

In this game he is just mediocre;

Batman has his joker.

Dare devil the most handicapped hero

soon becomes a let-down zero.

Loud things started to break and pound;

Dare devil had his loud sound.

Spider man the most human like sort
in this battle he comes short.
In attempt to hide his identity;
Spider man has his chastity.

The hulk the greenest man you'll see

is a monster waiting to break free.

With his anger building by the hour;

The hulk has way too much power

Iron man the smartest one you'll find
had made a gadget when he was left behind.
When his energy failed to start;
Iron man had his bad heart.

Hercules the God the bravest kind

is stuck between two worlds intertwined.

he is suddenly hit with reality;

Hercules has his mortality

Everyone has their weakness no ones lives forever.

Even super heroes sever.

Little do we realize when the world starts to cry
the even super heroes die